Memories of You...

I don't know why but I have the feeling of writing blog today. I think it's because of the memories of you and us came through my mind. Maybe I still have feelings for you or maybe the person that I love the most is still you. I had to admit that I really miss you a lot and I really want to know how've you been since we stopped talking to each other.

The first memory that flashed through my mind was the first time we met. I still remembered how we met. We actually met in ECA office when you came to see Ms. D and I was somehow there. After awhile, I actually drove your car to the entrance of college but I can't remember for what reason. In the end, and if I'm not mistaken, you actually drove me to OU for something. That's what happened when we first met.

After some time, I slowly had feelings for you. And I would start asking you out to go yamcha or something, or I would surprise you by bringing your favourite stuff (takoyaki and bubble tea) to your house. But somehow, I found out you had feelings for somebody else but I didn't care and I would still go to visit you by appearing at the front of your house.

On my 18th birthday, I went out to celebrate with my college classmates. And of course, I didn't forget your birthday is the next day. So I actually bought a cake and some beers, and went to your place to celebrate your birthday with you even though I was tipsy and high. I felt grateful that Victor (my best friend) was there too. Even though was late at night, he would still drive me to your place to celebrate our birthdays together.

After all these efforts that I put in, I screwed up. I won't actually try to write about how did I screw up my chance. After the incident happened, I actually didn't tell you straight away and I used the whole week to do whatever I wanted to do for you before telling you the truth which you'll never forgive me. Finally the week ended and I had to tell you the truth, so I did. And you were pissed and upset about it. We were so closed that we almost become couple but somehow I blew the chance away.

You didn't talk to me for quite some time. But one day, you actually messaged me on Skype saying that you had forgiven me but somehow I know that's not the truth because no girls can forgive a guy for making such a mistake. Even though you did forgive me, there will still something that will always upset you.

Finally the college's Prom Night day came, and you told me you gonna have camping for the weekend and not going for the prom night. I was so upset because you put in a lot of effort as much as everyone else to make it happen. So I had thought of a good plan which is going to the campsite to pick you up and send you back to the campsite after the prom night. I actually didn't mind to do anything for you because I was going to UK and you were going to Aussie for further studies, and I wanna see you as often as possible before we head to different continents and seeing each other for a long time. I drove so much that day just for you and I didn't mind doing anything for you.

After some time studying in UK and you were in Aussie, we talked once awhile. But one day, I actually told that I fell for PH and you weren't happy when you heard that from me. But I lied to you that time which was that I told you I wouldn't confess to PH but I did. And it turned out to be awkward because I think it was just a minor crush. Then since that time, we didn't talk at all. But I didn't give up, I always go to your blog to update myself.

One day, I couldn't access to your blog anymore and I was really upset. I was trying all the way to access your blog but nothing worked. But I know that there is a way which is ask you but I didn't have the courage to do so which I don't know why. I really wanna talk to you again or start all over again as a friend.

Finally, I wanna end my story tonight by apologizing to the readers for the long post. And the most important of this post is that I wanna apologize to the person that I hurt the most, "I'm sorry, LW"...


其实我很想告诉你我对你的感受,但是我不想破坏我们之间的友情。而且我知道你心里有另一个他,所以才不告诉你。我不知道你是不是感觉到我对你的感受而对我冷淡。其实我没有要求什么,只要你开心就好。我只是想和你做好朋友,我的要求并不高。不论如何,我会想办法去忘记你因为我知道我们的关系只能去到好朋友,我也知道你不会考虑我当你的情人。不知为什么我对你会那么的死心塌地,是不是我对你的感觉太深?还有,每一次我 whatsapp 你,我只是以好朋友的身份与你聊天。我只是想和你分担一些你的烦恼或者当你不开心的时候在你的身边陪伴你。其实我也不记得我是怎么认识你,我只记得我们成为好朋友后,我们时常去 souled out 喝酒,吃东西还有聊天或是去 mamak,tutti frutti,lok lok。今天我会试看去忘记你,因为我不想要再为你而烦恼和我的人生不只是有你一个,我还有我的家人,朋友和学业。另一个原因是因为如果我再为你而烦恼,我不知道要怎么去面对你。其实现在我也不知道要怎么去面对你了,但我会用平常心去面对你。为什么我会做朋友做得这么失败?我已经没有了我最好的朋友,V,其实不只他,我已经没了好多个好朋友。我不想连你这个好朋友也没了。我应该对你坦白吗?如果我告诉你我的感觉,我心会好过点吗?我已经改了很多,我已经不是以前的我了。现在的我是一个会为朋友想与珍惜他们的我,我也不会拿朋友的便宜了。我以前失去太多东西了。


当我起床时,我第一个想的人是你,我不知道为什么。我也不知哪里来的勇气要和你表白。今天是我第一天上课,也是最忙的一天。我觉得晚饭以后再向你坦白。在 7.30pm,我已经做了我应该做的事。总算有个答案,我也觉得松了一口气。

My Wish~

I'm kinda exhausted today, will talk about my trip to Bath when I update my blog the next time.
All I want for my birthday wish is I wanna spend my birthday with my best buddy-bro.
That's all I want.


Quote of The Day: Depression is close to me, but suicide hasn't been...

Broken Friendship

Are you really gone?
As my day draws out, I find myself thinking about you.
I miss you, my brother. And I wish you were by my side.
You are like a real brother to me and I hate not having you here.
Never being able to see you or talk to you would be my greatest fear.
I regret for what I did to you and I'm sorry, brother.
Brother, will we able to laugh again?
We had so much fun together but thinking of it now makes me sad.
Do you think that I will ever get a chance to prove myself that I'll change and be your good brother again?
You probably think that I'm a bad person and I wish that wasn't true.
I wish that you will understand how much I care about this friendship.
I wish things were different and not being able to talk to you doesn't seem fair.
I miss our silly jokes, I miss our bond of trust.
I hate not being able to talk to you and I don't want to have to adjust my life.
I wish I had the opportunity to sit and talk with you about our problems.
I'm not a bad person.
It's heartbroken to think about our broken friendship everyday.
You are a great brother and I have so much respect for you.
I wish we can still laugh and joke like we used to be.
I hope we will always be best friends & brothers.

Quote of The Day: The disappointment of losing a best friend is huge.

~Life in London~

It's been awhile I last updated my blog... I guess I should talk about my life in London...

This is my ugly hair after coming to London...

Steamboat with Chong Hor, Bo Yuan & Kee Aik in London...

New t-shirts & shoes that I bought in London~

Limited Edition Royal Wedding Oyster Card...

A beautiful view in Hyde Park~

A beautiful night view in London!

Classic Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream & Chocolate from Starbucks~ Yum~

Homemade Aglio Olio...

 Cheese Baked Pasta~~

Lamb Chop with Garlic Bread, Broccoli, Potatoes, Scallops & Oyster Mushrooms~

 Pork Kebab with Asparagus, Potatoes, Garlic Bread & Mushrooms~

Grilled Salmon with Potatoes, Squids, Oyster Mushrooms & Scallops~

I guess that's about it for now...

The Past...

I know I hurt you so badly once but I really didn't mean to, I'm sorry...
I do feel bad, guilty and heartbroken when I saw all those tweets today...
You felt that way because of me and you had me thinking as well, why didn't I die during my car accident?
If I was dead, maybe you wouldn't be hurting so badly...
*Touch Wood*

I always think of my past when I'm in the bus or underground tube...
And I always say to myself, how I wish I can turn back time or change the past...
I didn't want my life to be like that... But the past is the past...
I have to move on in my life so I can get a better future...
I can move on in anything in my life but one thing I can't is that I can't forget about you...

I still do love you...
I still do miss you...
Even though we're 10576 miles apart...
Just wanna say, I'm sorry...

Quote of The Day: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future...